(fictional short story)
“A poop transplant???!!!” the old but prominent-looking man exclaimed from his bed in a lavish hospital room.
“In a manner of speaking, yes!” said the doctor, a little nervous, standing in front of one of the most powerful men in the country. “The technical term is actually faecal transplant,” she added.
“Whatever! It sounds gross!”
“Well, yes, it does, but in your condition, it’s the best possible solution. Plus, it’s quite simple, not invasive at all!”
“And where will you find a … do I say, ‘donor’?”
The doctor smiled a bit and explained, still very professionally, “Yes, the technical term is donor. A faecal donor is a person with very healthy and diverse gut microbiome … that’s the bacteria that live inside our guts”
“And how would you implant the stuff into me?”
“Quite simple, actually! It will be inside capsules that you swallow”
“Grosss!!!!” the old man shrieked in disgust.
“Well, yeah, it does sound a bit gross but the stuff is inside a normal capsule. We humans swallow capsules with all kinds of stuff all the time!”
“Easy for you to say! Your capsule probably never had another man’s poop in it!”
“There are worse things in the world!” said the doctor, trying to smile a bit, being congenial to the patient.
“Yeah? Like what?”
“Well, having your body cut open for various surgeries and still not getting cured!” said the doctor a bit boldly. Afterall, she was the doctor and the old man, no matter how prominent, was the patient.
The old man grumbled at this point, seemingly ending the conversation. The doctor instructed something to the nurse and the two then left the room, leaving the patient to his thoughts.
The old man was a businessman turned politician who was considered probably the most powerful external affairs minister in the country’s history. He was bold and he was ruthless. During his tenure, all other countries, friend or foe, acted very cautiously. Noone wanted to tick him off. He once single-handedly crushed the economy of another country with his import ban. Why? Just because the other country demanded more “congenial” business practices. But whether you are a person or a country, you don’t “demand” stuff from someone powerful. You request or beg, or just shut your mouth.
At the height of his career, the old man was more respected, nay feared, than the president of the country. Remember the country with the import ban? It fell into a financial depression. Chaos broke out. Starving people killed each other in frustration. Over 10,000 people died in one single day in one single city. And all this was the result of picking a fight with this powerful man. Of course, if his own country hadn’t been so powerful, his power wouldn’t have meant much. It’s the position’s power people fear, not a person’s personal power. But no power is perpetual. Alexander the great, Napoleon, Hitler, they all thought, during their heyday, that they couldn’t be vanquished. But no power trumps nature or death.
The old man was now suffering from horrible gastrointestinal problems for which the main problem was the dysfunction of his gut microbiome, the trillions of bacteria that live inside our gut. Scientists have only recently started to understand how important gut microbiome is for our health. Apparently, it’s vastly important. Not only does it ensure proper digestion of the food and nutrition extraction from it, it also plays a big role in the neurological functions of our brains. Yes, those bacteria in our gut affect our brains! And in this age of mass-produced food, the human gut microbiome is “shrinking” in diversity, much more in developed countries because food is mostly mass produced and not very diverse. In poorer, less developed countries and tribal areas where plants grow in their natural and wild way and where people eat a variety of things, the gut microbiome is much “richer”. Ironic, huh?! And how do scientists know this? Well, they collected the faeces samples (poop) from all over the world and compared their bacterial “signatures”. (That must have been a fun job!) And at some point, they came up with the idea of artificially transferring these diverse bacteria to enrich the guts of people from richer countries. Simply said, a poor person’s poop will now save the lives of rich people! That’s exactly what they prescribed to the ex-minister.
The ex-minister man was still in his thoughts when the doctor came back to talk to him and get him to sign off the suggested procedure. He signed it, albeit a bit begrudgingly.
“One time I spent over a year in shitty Bolivia!” the old man said in a complaining tone, “I bet that’s what ruined my body! Oh, the filth and the pollution there!”
The doctor said a bit mechanically, “Well, actually, the environments in poorer countries are better for the gut microbe. If at all, it might have even helped you. It’s our western lifestyle that is the main culprit for problems like yours!”
“Oh!” said the old man, disappointed. “Or maybe my time in Indonesia …” he wanted to say but he knew he would receive the same answer.
The procedure was done quite easily and quickly over the next few days and the doctors kept on doing their tests to assess the situation. It was improving and quite quickly! Within a month, the ex-minister was almost as good as he could get. His public relations team deemed it a good idea to let him speak to the public and to show him meeting the donor, a young woman, who helped him get better, probably even save his life. They arranged for this donor to travel to the capital city especially for this occasion. For her, it was a great honor to meet such a prominent person. After shaking his hand and receiving a bouquet of flowers as a token of thanks, she sat for an interview with the media. The ex-minister had already made his address to the public. So, after the handshaking and picture taking, he left in his helicopter. After reaching his home, he caught the news coverage of the interview of the donor on TV.
” … thanked the people for their prayers and mental support during this time! And here is the heartwarming footage of him meeting the young woman whose bacterial donation made his recovery possible! She herself has a thrilling life story. She grew up in Cameroon, was orphaned at the age of 14 when her parents were killed in the mob violence of 2007, the great recession year for the country. She worked as a maid to support her siblings and to fund her own education. Despite the challenges, she managed to get into one of the most prestigious universities in the world. She currently works as a junior scientist for a space program. Wow! How incredible is that story! And up next, we have more fascinating stories for you from the world of sports. Stay tuned!”
The ex-minister turned the TV off and sat on the couch for some time, thinking. Cameroon … parents killed … 2007 mob violence! Cameroon … 2007 … import ban … recession!